Stephanie Marie Uhranowsky * Here we are again for *Part Two* of Shadow Work - diving a little deeper this time around with some questions you might want to begin mulling over and asking yourself. Last time, we reviewed what the shadow is, where it originates from, and the various ways it can affect us in the present. If what you read resonated with you, and you are considering beginning this journey of shadow work, continue on. *
REMEMBER:
Bringing what lives within the shadows of yourself up and out into the light can be an unpleasant and difficult process. Painful even. The truth hurts often here. But for those of us who have done the work, we can attest to its rewarding results.
First and foremost, be gentle and kind with yourself as well as patient. Both our shadows and our light comprise who we are as a whole. There is no bad or good, there just is. And the first step forward is awareness. The second is understanding and acceptance followed by accountability.
Remain compassionate with you and your shadow as you move towards integration – stopping to heal parts of yourself that need time, care, and attention, acknowledging all the parts that make you who you are even the things you cannot change and in turn must accept, discovering how to move through this life as a whole being, regaining power and control over your actions, reactions, behavior, thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
And again, depending on who we are and our lived individual experiences and traumas, this work and process may benefit from outside support by a licensed mental health professional. We don’t always have to navigate these things alone. ❤
Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.
Carl Jung
We hide our shadow from ourselves and others by ignoring the obvious feelings in our body when negative emotions arise. You might be asking yourself right now, “what feelings or emotions could I possibly be hiding from myself?”
CRITICAL THINKING
When you are passing judgement or are critical of someone or something (partner, spouse, family, friend, stranger, situation), how does that make you feel? What emotions are coming up? Is it possible the offense you feel is being mirrored back to you, showing you something about yourself that makes you feel uncomfortable? When are the moments where you are your own worst critic? Where you judge yourself harshly? What thoughts are running through your head? What feelings are coming up? Is it your voice or someone else’s?
LEARN TO EXAMINE YOUR EXCUSES
Do you find yourself making excuses? For the way you behave? The way you act or don’t act? React? The way you feel? The way you handle certain people or situations? Your emotional explosiveness? Is the burden of responsibility for your behavior pushed onto everyone else around you but you? Or opposite side of the coin, are you continually punishing yourself and allowing for it? Start to hone in and tune in when these situations arise. Start to ask yourself if you could approach X, Y, or Z without those excuses. We aren’t always justified in our behavior and the way we treat others as well as ourselves.
FIND OUT WHAT TRIGGERS YOU
An unpopular opinion for us all on the day we have this AHA moment: we are responsible for our own triggers. I repeat: we are responsible for our own triggers. Pay attention to the feelings and emotions that arise when you become triggered. This is not limited only to triggers from our traumatic experiences that contribute to PTSD. We are triggered in our daily interactions at home, at work, with friends, with family, with strangers while we’re out and about, on the internet, etc. Sometimes super simple and mundane things we wouldn’t bat an eye over.
RECOGNIZE YOUR PHYSICAL SIGNS
Begin to take note of the physical sensations in your body when negative situations arise. Do you clench your jaw? Do you start to tense your shoulders? Is your heart racing? Stomach flipping? Flushed cheeks? Your go-to emotion starts to bubble over and seem uncontrollable? Fight or flight switch turned on? Mind racing? Listening skills turned off? Checking out? These signals are like your spidey-senses going off, letting you some stuff is coming up for you. Pay attention to the moments or interactions where these signals start to light up.
Our aim is:
- Wholeness
- Integration
- Honesty and truth
- Self-acceptance
- Accountability
- Emotional regulation
- Self-love and worth
- Self-acknowledgment
- Self -awareness
- Recognition
- Healing
- Removal of excuses
- Self-control
Because the shadow is an inner fragmentation that occurs within you. As children, we are born whole and complete, but that wholeness is short-lived. The shadow is born in our childhood as a byproduct of certain interactions we had with the people closest to us. Our parents, caretakers, our friends, our family, our teachers, our religion and religious leaders, and our general societal constructs make us believe that certain aspects of ourselves are good and others are not. The aspects that are seen as bad must be rejected, denounced, dismissed, abolished and consequently, they begin to form the shadow. Every time you act out of your shadow, it has the opportunity to grow bigger. The repression continues. The shadow gains power and has the ability to turn your life upside down and sometimes destroy your most cherished relationships.
All of the above takes TIME to acknowledge, process, work through, heal, accept, change, and integrate. This work is not linear. You may find it continuous. Like a flood gate, when self-awareness kicks in, it opens up a whole new world inside of us. Be patient. Be gentle. Be kind. Take care of yourself before, during, and after. Celebrate the awesomeness of you - which includes the dark too ❤
Edited to add: It may help to journal or jot these moments, feelings, triggers, etc. down as they come up so you have an opportunity to sit and let it all marinate, revisit them again in the future, and reflect back.